Did we get married for the right reasons? I don’t know. I needed a commitment from Alex to break away from my family legitimately and we'd been together for almost five years.
As
an unmarried
Pakistani girl I “belonged” to my family until I was married. So until
then I
still had to visit them and was technically tied to them, an invisible
bond
broken only by marriage. Although my parents were in Pakistan Mohammed
and his family were in Britain and he took their place as head of the
family.
Being unmarried and living alone in our culture is not acceptable, you either live your life with your family or your husband. It's like a woman is never allowed to be just herself, she can only legitimately exist behind someone else's guard.
I saw marrying Alex as a way of breaking this invisible bond and gaining complete freedom for my life.
My sisters, who’d
given up trying to convince me to leave Alex now turned their attention to our
living arrangements. They didn’t understand why we were living together and
kept asking, why won’t he marry you? I didn’t have the answer. No matter how
British I was, I was still a traditional Pakistani girl when it came to my
views on marriage. Or just a traditional girl full stop. I wanted to get married and have children.
At the time the situation was so consuming I could see no other way out, so I allowed myself to be influenced by these expectations, not strong enough to say no, sitting on that fence again, trying to make everyone happy.
I pushed for Alex and I to get married as I knew some things would change within my family situation, i’d at least get some approval from my sisters. I also hoped, as Alex would convert to Islam, my father might come around eventually, as Islam dictates one Muslim can marry any other, regardless of race or background. So although it would be a big deal in our community, in the eyes of God I was doing the right thing.
Comments