As I left my parents room, I passed on my brother Mohammed on the stairs. He must have seen how upset I was as he knocked on my bedroom door.
I don't have a good relationship with Mohammed - when I told him I was marrying Alex, he said I should have died instead of my two brothers, the shame I was going to bring onto the family. After that, I didn't talk to him or visit him unless I absolutely had to, at family funerals and the like.
Since my parents have been back, this is the first time i've spent time with him, although I use that term loosely, as we speak only about neutral topics and I keep my distance from him. So I approach anything he says and does, which involves me with caution.
But this time he seemed genuine, although I could be mistaken, and often am with my family. I'm quite gullible, as might be apparent.
Mohammed's relationship with my parents has been fraught for as long as I can remember and this in turn has had a negative effect on the relationship my sisters and I have had with him. My parents have always found it easier to get on with us than him and he's always resented this.
We're all to blame for the discord between us. My parents for not giving him more slack and setting him impossible standards, like they do with all of us, Mohammed for being obsessed with the notion that they favour us more than him and us for siding with our parents more than Mohammed and inevitably adding fuel to the fire, as we always do. Even i'm guilty of this.
Mohammed said I shouldn't let them get to me, they're mad anyway. Given their unreasonable demands, I was inclined to agree with him.
I just said to him, regardless of what you all think of me (ie, I have shamed the family / am a bad person / married a "gora" (white man) and will burn in hell for it) don't you realise I can't be told what to do in this country? Do I look so desperate for money that i'll do anything? Why can't they just be nice to me?
Mohammed offered to ask my father to give me the money, to which I said it's better he didn't involve himself in this, as they'll say he made them do it and it'd only have adverse effects on his relationship with them. Then, if I ever fell out with him, he'd naturally blame me for that. This is the inevitable never-ending cycle, common place in my family.
He said his door was always open for me, I could live there if I wanted and he wouldn't question my comings and goings. I said that was nice of him, I appreciated it but i'd sort myself out.
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