After thinking things were improving (or rather hoping and praying they were) with my parents, everything went wrong. Regardless of accusations about me writing against Islam for a newspaper, I thought I was getting somewhere with them, especially after my father didn't object when I told him about the Amsterdam trip.
But that all blew up in my face the other day. I'm not surprised, i'm seeing a pattern, whereby I go forward a few steps one day but then go backward by one hundred steps the next.
My parents give new meaning to the phrase, "give an inch and they take a mile".
I question myself and my own reasons for doing what i'm doing, clinging onto them. I wonder if it's because i'm now single and am clinging to them as I feel they're all I have. Am I so scared of being alone, i'm willing to put up with their demands and need to control my life?
I'm thirty three, for God's sake. It's embarrassing being in my situation, being myself. My friends are no doubt bored with my constant complaining, thinking, what the hell's wrong with her, why doesn't she just break free from them, tell them to piss off?
And I think to myself, how much longer can I realistically sit on the fence, my parents on one side, my freedom on the other and surrounding it, my sisters with their input, which is rarely helpful and every so often includes really hurtful remarks about the person I am.
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